I have a new blog!!!!

http://arunaiyer88.wordpress.com/

I should find out how to change my url into something cooler sounding...this one s just soooo boring!!!!

But, wordpress is very difficult to grasp immediately...but its fun:)

Year 2010

When this year began, I broke one of my longstanding habbits- reading the year's forecast from Yahoo.com. It has been a ritual ever since I laid hands on that Linda Goodman book way back in eight standard. So why did I decide to break this habbit, I wonder...

I felt that I was starting to live my life based on these predictions...though predictions based on sunsigns was never something I believed in when I started out, I realised that sub-conciously, my interest had gaduated from mere characterisation of the different sun signs to predictions for them.

It was upsetting when at times what transpired didn't agree with what Yahoo predicted, and at times eerie....when those two or three lines mirrored what had just happened. (Oh, btw, I read daily predictions at the end of the day to see if Yahoo had got it right...some sort of a game it was, actually)

Soon, I was gobbling up predictions for the entire week and then the entire month as well...

Soon, I spent more time at the Astrology section at any bookstore, reading up stuff I already knew...

Soon, I was investing more money on books predicting the 'Year Ahead for Aries', than I was spending on anything more worth my while...

Soon, I started reading up on which signs were compatible with my sign, Aries, and started building relationships and opinions based on what I read...

Soon, I was justifying the actions of people based on what I had read abt their personalities...

All the above and many more changes in my thought process lead me into expectations that were often too high...I decided that I would live life as it came...day by day without wondering if it would play out the way Yahoo had said it would...

It's liberating in a lot o ways, but scary as well....and tempting as HELL!!!!!

Pseudo-nerd will stop with simply wondering what lies ahead for her in this year...:)

As close as it gets to what am thinking now :)

All I wanna do is find a way back into love,

I can't make it through without a way back into love,

And if I open my heart to you

I'm hoping you'll show me what to do,

And if you help me to start again,

You know that I'll be there for you in the end!

Source: Way Back into Love in the film Music and Lyrics

We are all kinds of people...

We are all kinds of people
All by ourselves.
One minute We think,
Another minute We forget
We are a lot.

We laugh, We cry
We hate and We love
We lie, or don't
We are all kinds of people
All by ourselves.

We stand up against
What was thrown at us
While We inflict the same elsewhere
We are all kinds of people
All by ourselves.

We give people
What We ourselves
Wouldn't take..
We are all kinds of people
All by ourselves.

We can take for granted
Those who We won't
Let take us for granted
We ARE all kinds of people
All by ourselves
All within ourselves...

Why look elsewhere?

My Keyboard :)

Dust layered them
And stuck to my fingers
In full symmetry and
Just like a border
They neatly lined
My lovely keys...
Today I shall wipe
All the layers away
Today I shall use them
To tell a story...

My post-war statement:

I love you AND i hate you with all i ve got...i jus dont understand if i love you more or hate you more. I am letting myself down by telling you this. I know. But i cant help myself wen its you...i miss you more than anything else and i only pray you remember me as someone who you loved and who loved you truly once upon a time...

Being Alone...

I don't think I should be left alone, she thinks
Why...? Wouldn't you ask?
I am injurious to myself, she will reply.
Was it being suicidal...her problem, you wonder...
She heard you through your eye...
She wants to laugh...she is not suicidal...
Not in the way we all understand "suicidal"
She was injurious to her reputation, if left alone...
That was her problem, do you see?
No, of course you don't see...
Would you understand what it means
To self destruct all your efforts that
Have gone into portraying yourself
A particular way...Only to be
Broken, trashed and ridiculed
By none other than
Yourself?
Of course NOT.

Seethalakshmi, mother of Vengkataramani.

She lay shriveled...
Tubes ran in and out
Of her frail hands
While life ran slowly
Out of her...


Through a round glass
In the door,
Her family watched her...
And each had different
Thoughts for her...


In the few she had
Brought to this world...
Very few cared for her
Now...and so she
Had lived...


A life of hardwork
To begin with...
To a life of schemes,
Prejudice and
Hatred...


Her sons fell apart
And she tossed around:
"You keep her...I can't do
It anymore..."
She moved, and moved...


Till one day the stroke
Made her immobile...
Put her on a bed...
And killed many of her
Brain cells...


Today she doesn't recognise
Those she loved and hated
What was the point then?
Of a life, she lived
That way...?

I May Have Found Me...

A sense of liberation...
Right ahead of me
A sense of hope...
All within me

A sense of remorse...
Thrown behind me
A sense of guilt...
Buried deep beneath me

A sense of living...
All around me
A sense of fate catching up
I may have found me :)

Magnets Under Cover

"Don't react", and she held her breath
Caught that hand slowly creeping out...
Towards what is generally, just another hand
To her, a magnet under cover.

Every human body cannot be
That magnet, for everyone.
In one life one finds a few
Magnets under cover.

But human life ain't so simple
And simply finding your magnet
Won't do. Hard to come by are
Perfect magnets under cover.

Only one magnet will finally
Click. After breaking thru'
The haze of repulsions. That's
Your magnet under cover.

There s a lot of work left to do...
For all of us...all our lives...
Working out of the distractions around
Is prolly the most difficult thing to do...
Coz...you can never really get too far from them.
You cant finish them of.
You just learn to live with them.

Why do we have hormones that
Inspire love? Inspire waste of time, actually?
We shudave had hormones that made you
More focused than ever. Its your mind after all.
Why does it have to work against you?
And never let go?

Of not someone, but some habits?
Cant we all take a shot at
This terrible game of feelings
Get bored of it, or maybe sick of it
Like really?
Then just never ever want to
Play it again...like a video game
You suck at?
Shudnt it have been that easy?

Life s fun. I want to feel it.
The fun.
So, my dear distracting mind,
Jus take a break.


Pseudo-nerd wants another chance...:)